the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
