Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
