I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's blow job season.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
