was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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