he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
