I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
