If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
