He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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