Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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