The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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