Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
