literally had 100 drinks last night.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i will never coherently bang her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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