I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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