I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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