I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize