it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
