My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't deserve a penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
