Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
