Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
