No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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