I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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