ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
