my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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