I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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