Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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