So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
