your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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