i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have post one night stand depression
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
