Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
