dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
