He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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