Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
