Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
