I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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