What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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