Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
