piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
