Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
