she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
