Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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