So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
