it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize