Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
