Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
