Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
