you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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