I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
