hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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