So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You left your phone here
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