it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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