so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize