tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
