I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
