The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
