I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
