Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
