Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
