I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
