My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
