my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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