I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
