when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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