Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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