I wanna bring you to show and tell
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
