theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
