dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need water and some morals
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
