I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
