Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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