No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
