i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
