I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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