Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
