Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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