Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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