What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
