So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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